This image is terrible, blown out, way too busy, there’s no focal point, but I had to be quick.
Taken in a stranger’s home, remember to lock your doors people.
A Beautiful Horse
So there I am on a rather dull overcast day and I spot this beautiful horse, deep soulful eyes, strong willful stance, just a majestic beast. Then out of nowhere this kid jumps into the frame, spooks the horse, and ruins the entire shot. The coachman was screaming at the child, “get away, get away from my beautiful horse”. But the child continued, tortured the horse with her joy and happiness.
I’m still so upset by the incident that I overexposed the background while trying to salvage whatever equine beauty remained.
A Blurry Cat
Shot at a wonderful f/1.8 from right up in my cat’s grill so it takes up the full frame and makes most of his face as <strike>blurry</strike> liquid smooth as the background. Like a good photographer I made sure to focus on his eye.
The 15th shot of these trees as I learned exactly how goddamned bright an overcast day is. As I took the shot I thought to myself “I can totally isolate both of these two things and blow them out in Lightroom”.
Formless trees brought to you by dragging the Black slider all the way down to -100.
A Scary Statue
Taken on a cell phone in the cold, late at night, with a 1 second manual exposure and a patient but scared girlfriend. I mean this statue looks like it has a literal soul trapped in it.
Skipped Lightroom, no cropping, straight from the device, didn’t want to risk the chance of this image having actually captured someone’s soul and corrupting my Lightroom install.
A Poorly Chosen Subject
This picture is actually quite good, balanced lighting, decent framing, and the subject is well centered; and therein lies the problem. This is simply just the dumbest looking rubber duck I’ve seen.
The job of any good photographer is to capture the scene, not assist people who are trying to do stuff. A romantic scene of my girlfriend cutting up some radishes for dinner while I stood there with my camera.
All natural grain, small sensor, high ISO, and my place is just that poorly lit.
Going for an artsy shot down an NYC street during light traffic. As the defendant’s lawyer noted in court the light appears to be green so I was maybe a little “negligent” and “not looking where I was going”.
However, note the direction and intensity of the motion blur. The blur indicates that I was, with incontrovertible proof, struck from the right rear as the defendant (ie. totally guilty) blew through a red light going the wrong way down a one way street.
Innocent until proven guilty my presently sore ass. I was there and I somewhat saw what happened.
While many were capturing exquisite photos of the Mandarin Duck in Central Park I took pictures of these jerks. Major cropping needed to remove tons of nonsense geese.
Wonderful smooth water brought to you by accidentally dragging the Clarity slider the wrong way and saying “hey not bad”.
Couple of Birds
These fast moving jerks were too busy looking for food and avoiding predators to get a good shot but digital film is free so I did it anyways. Can’t even see them.
This was shot at 55mm and f/5.6, the exactly wrong focal length and aperture for properly capturing small fast moving things.
Recently attended a seance where we convened with the dark lords of our otherworlds to contact the ghost of Georgia O’Keeffe. Brought my camera because I figured some ghost pictures would be pretty cool. The instructions called for a “blood sacrifice” so we placed a blood orange in the center of the table. Holding hands and reciting dark incantations we succeeded in contacting the ghost of O’Keeffe.
“My blood sacrifice” she demanded.
“Your orange” I replied.
“You dare summon the devils of our dark lord for this?”
“Well the instructions said…”
I cannot recall anything after that moment and those with me at the time are still too terrified to repeat it. When I awoke this was the sole image on my camera.
Mr. Wiggles Quickfoot
Showed my friend this site and he squeaked at me “ohh these pictures aren’t terrible, you actually take good pictures and pretend they’re bad”
I accused him of being a liar or having horrible taste and told him to get out.
“This is my house” he replied
“Prove it” I retorted
Anyways, this post is an attempt to prove him wrong, pictured is this blurry crap squirrel who is a jerk and didn’t sit still for my photo and is no longer my friend.